Good Friday and my roadblocks

I may discuss things here, there. But nothing really changes in my style. Freeflowing, short but with the best meaning available.

When people say Good Friday, one thing comes into my mind. The death of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Yes, It's true. I am still observing Good Fridays. But with heavy work and constant hunger, i just need to eat little rice and to think of my weight as well. And I would watch Orthodox Christian chants in Youtube or have a day-off from political or personal life.

Back in my childhood, I would not eat any poultry meat, not take a bath after 3pm(Philippine version of Catholicism), go to church and watch a movie about Jesus on the television.

Nowadays, I would listen to Good Friday chants of the Orthodox church(Serbian, Greek, Syriac, Arabic) and of course, my daily nightly prayers to commemorate this important date in the Christian liturgical calendar.

Having roadblocks in my life is pretty hard though since I tend to crumble emotionally when i feel depressed. And sometimes, I just want to say to God to take me now because as if my life is nothing without my ex-girlfriend or if my parents would not let me do the things I wished to as long as I don't harm anyone. Let me say this, my intentions are so clean that people would just take advantage of me no matter how hard I want to be pure.

But despite my continuing sorrow, maybe God still wants me to live and find a way to make myself independent and find what is truly for me. We are alive for a lot of reasons but all I can think is that Christ sacrificed himself by dying on the cross for our sins and to save our souls from going into the depths of Satan.

It's true, I am clueless in my life now but, all I want is to live and ask God for forgiveness and thanked him that I still have a mission to make here on earth.