Living through the pain

I admit it a few times. I am weak often. This is not what i grew up to be but maybe God made me this to learn some things in life. As i grew up and become more of a man, i want to reflect as well my experiences with the word pain. I've been through it so i knew the grandest stage of them all.

During my heart brakes when my Filipina girlfriends left me often for no good reason at all. I don't want to live single but i keep on hoping. Maybe, God wants me to be a monk? But i say no because if i would be a priest, i must be married first. If that would be the case, hope God understands i will be living an amazing life through these temporary women till i will find my future wife. I may be selfish but, i am praying to God if what would be a future for me as long as i will have that desired family.

I am also a victim of bullying. I never mind to be a victim of bullying but i am hoping that one day, no more bullying will occur to everyone. I am having as well with dad but occasionally and hopes that he will have a change of heart. All i want is all things good for everyone and not bad.

Or even seeing dead people on the internet makes my heart worry as well. What else could i worry? Of course i have problems within. So, i can only do  is to pray for my forgiveness but also, my future. I won't even want to end my life on someone's terms but on my own terms: a peaceful and happy death with the people surrounding me on my deathbed. I hoped when i die, those friends of mine and family members will be there.

When i am sad, i want to die. But everytime there is a person that will motivate me, my wish to die early is being overwhelmed by those that wants me to live an amazing life. Who knows? I will share my story of living through the pain to this desolate yet just a sleeping world. I only want the world to know how i wish this place we lived in is a better place for all. May God help us through the pain we experience.