Only God can judge me

Isus Hristos, uštedeti mene!

As my life is becoming more of a crossroads, i only pray at night but secretly. Dad knows something even if i don't want to tell him and everyone in my family. Despite the chaos ahead, i will make sure one thing. God can judge me but no human can.

It is an open secret that i am hiding my faith. I am silent as of now because in my current workplace, i am with mom and her colleagues. I am having a hard time integrating myself to them because i am not close to mom as of these days or to dad or to my other older sister. I would rather have spend time to close friends that know who i am truly, whether i am silent or a lively and goofy guy, trying to keep everyone united or at least, awake.

I always think of someone as of now. She is one year ahead of me but i don't know if i can enter her heart. I think i would not succeed but i wished to be with her as of late. She's my inspiration and God knows when i fall in love, i get too emotional. Emotional because i haven't controlled my emotions yet. If she will give my heart to me, i will give her true love much better than what i could do on others who left me.

Most people think i am GAY. Why? My fellow Filipinos see my Japanese style fashion as gay for them. For them, a Filipino guy should be clean cut, loose outfit and macho body. I don't have a macho body but what i can be at least proud of is that i have a girlish face, suited for my innocent heart with matching Japanese pretty boy outfits like red skinny jeans or black long vest and an earring on my left ear.

No matter what, only God can see my heart. And when i show who i am, it is he who would truly judge me. Not judge mental people or some stupid critic of my fashion sense. God knows how hungry i am to work hard for my future, my future orthodox Christian faith and, my future wife. +++