Moj Iskrs Iskustvo-My Easter Sunday Experience

 

I feel blessed. I felt more than just earthly religion but most of all, the essence of true Pascha or Easter Sunday, away from commercialism and my troubles in life. I recently went to the Eastern Orthodox style Easter, it is like I am in heaven. I feel not just everything but I am with God. 

I felt shy because there are a lot of people there and I am the only one that is not yet baptized in the Orthodox church but it was honor that I am there. Look at the bright side. What is important in going to church is making us think that we are not alone despite the fact that we are feeling something wrong and also, it gives us the feeling that we are never giving up for God and our sake as well.

For a guy like me, it was like the feeling of a hope for the future, no matter how hard I have some personal issues.

We should not take it for granted because we are given the freedom of practicing our faith. We should look that this is not just a guide but also the way of life. We should thank God for the blessings and the forgiveness we are given because without it, we can't have that salvation or the loophole for our salvation.

Hristos Voskrese!!-Vaistinu Voskrese!!
Christ is Risen!!-Indeed he is risen!!

How far your faith can lead you?

I am continuing to raise questions to awaken everyone. Whether they are of this faith or not. Of course, it is better to ask than to be totally ignorant. I maybe waiting for that day because of some circumstances i had but one thing is for sure, i will convert and this is what God gave me. The power to choose my faith because i know God will lead me into that promised day.

If some people might wonder why i am still showing how i loved God and my Christian faith, i am even if very few people saw it. It is through the Orthodox church that i prayed again and valued my faith so much. Maybe, God sent me those knowledge and by heart through my history and religious books.

There is a thing also. You can't have neither faith by heart and faith by knowledge. It is like denying the other existence or it is like, denying God's man and divine persona or denying either one of the Holy spirit. That's from my heart and not from what other people would say.

It is easy to be Catholic or Protestant this new era but when i get baptized to Orthodoxy, it could mean new adoptations and new learnings but i am on that situation a lot of times and God will guide me through it all. I don't waste opportunities just because of time period i must wait for that day. I don't even believe in this typical Filipino phrase:"you born a Catholic, die a Catholic." Because if your faith is not really for you and God has plan for your true faith, then it shall be.

I am not scared to take the risks of converting and being rejected by my family members in the future because i know it could hurt at first but, time will heal and because of that healing, no more pain will be felt.

Only God can judge me

Isus Hristos, uštedeti mene!

As my life is becoming more of a crossroads, i only pray at night but secretly. Dad knows something even if i don't want to tell him and everyone in my family. Despite the chaos ahead, i will make sure one thing. God can judge me but no human can.

It is an open secret that i am hiding my faith. I am silent as of now because in my current workplace, i am with mom and her colleagues. I am having a hard time integrating myself to them because i am not close to mom as of these days or to dad or to my other older sister. I would rather have spend time to close friends that know who i am truly, whether i am silent or a lively and goofy guy, trying to keep everyone united or at least, awake.

I always think of someone as of now. She is one year ahead of me but i don't know if i can enter her heart. I think i would not succeed but i wished to be with her as of late. She's my inspiration and God knows when i fall in love, i get too emotional. Emotional because i haven't controlled my emotions yet. If she will give my heart to me, i will give her true love much better than what i could do on others who left me.

Most people think i am GAY. Why? My fellow Filipinos see my Japanese style fashion as gay for them. For them, a Filipino guy should be clean cut, loose outfit and macho body. I don't have a macho body but what i can be at least proud of is that i have a girlish face, suited for my innocent heart with matching Japanese pretty boy outfits like red skinny jeans or black long vest and an earring on my left ear.

No matter what, only God can see my heart. And when i show who i am, it is he who would truly judge me. Not judge mental people or some stupid critic of my fashion sense. God knows how hungry i am to work hard for my future, my future orthodox Christian faith and, my future wife. +++

Moja vera, moja familija, moja budućnosti

Despite writing some entries about religion, politics, culture and others, i haven't mentioned if my future is uncertain. One thing in my heart is for sure. I will be a good father someday, teach my children true Christian values, make passionate and true love with my last girlfriend and future wife(hope so) and uphold the virtues of what God taught me through priests and teachers.

I won't even hide i thank my teachers from the high school i went through. With all the joys and pains in my life, they instilled in me what i need to be. A survivor and upholding a true Christian within me despite my imperfectness and my sinfulness.

What i will learn through my next spiritual father when i get baptized to God's original church will mean everything in my continuing process of maturity. For now, i am still immature enough to stand for my faith and my future. Despite all the challenges i am having, i hoped to inspire others that have the similar case they also have. Because every life has a story to tell. When i become a Pravoslavac, i will take the name Lazar and everyone will mention Lazar, Lazara, Lazaru and any additives.

I hoped that one of my male sons will be named Srđan, the name of the Bosnian Serb hero named Srđan Aleksić who sacrificed his life for his Bosniak friend's life, like how i wanted to teach my children human compassion. And whether i will stay here in Japan or marry a Serb and become a naturalized Serbian citizen, i will accept what responsibility God will give me in the future.

My faith

As many of you know, i am still Roman catholic. But i desire to be an Eastern Orthodox Christian. What brings me to that faith is something unsual. It doesn't even concern my current views, making myself a proponent of Christian unity only through the Eastern Orthodox Patriarchs.

When i was around grade school, i am reading some almanacs around the letter B. And then some pages were torn or couldn't be recognized by my young eyes. Yet, i came to the page were the Byzantine Empire section was located. It enchanted me when i saw icons of Christ, religious relics, icons and of course, the downfall of Constantinople. It made me become curious more about Christianity. During a holy week, i asked dad what is Eastern orthodox church and he anwsered: ''just another false church''. Yet, i was hungry for the truth. These time, in High School, i am reading something about the byzantine Empire and Greek history. I stumbled upon that faith that made me curious and search for what is the origin of Christianity. Since that day, i wanted to know it till i saw that church was just 30 minutes away from home via a jeep and another 5 minutes for a motorcycle ride. As i went there, i saw that church i longed for, went inside and asked questions amongst the two priests(one returned to Greece) and i felt my faith got revived. When i returned home, i told my older sisters i want to be an Orthodox. It met strong criticism from my family clan(Garcia's of Paranaque descending from Spanish-Filipino through my paternal grandfather and Japanese through my paternal grandmother) especially from my parents when they were able to talk to me via yahoo messenger. Since that day, dad cannot forgive me because he is a strong Roman Catholic and most Filipino Roman catholics think that any Christian sect outside of RC and Mainstream Protestantism is like a cult or nonsense. Since i am optimistic those days, i had many icons blessed, a priest gave me prayer books and he taught me good things and told me to be careful of other things that is why i am aware even on my own family. Yet, when i went to Japan and left my icons and other church paraphernalia there, i thought my faith would get stagnated and if my parents would have a vacation, the will dispose my holy icons of Lazar, Isus Hristos, Bogorodice(Bogorodica Ljeviška) and some incense which they did. Since that day, i am secretive if my plans to pursue what God wants for me to discover.

Currently, i am attending divine liturgies, vespers, matins, complines or simply going there and praying to God for forgiveness and help for my future challenges. I know it will not be a secret one day but when i get that freedom, i will practice my faith to the fullest. I assure everyone.