Nothing is left

Writing blogs from the Ukrainian conflict to the ISIS, I enjoyed writing since it's my inner talent. But with that said, is it worth I live only for this? Can't I have a better personal life? All I hope is a happy family but still, I don't even get signs from God not even one. Last week had been one of the most difficult parts in my life. I cried a lot and never got the love I am expecting from her. Even at work I almost cried, due to the pressure of lending her money but at the expense of not getting appreciated or love because of her multiple excuses she doesn't want to talk to.

Threatening to commit suicide if I don't give money or leaving me if I mail her too much, it's so depressing that she ignored my feelings. If I attempt to talk with her, she would make foolish excuses that she is tired and wants a breakup if I mail her aside from evenings, which I feel she never tells something to me.

Selfish and stubborn girl as she is, if she knows I am just waiting for her to love me unconditionally. I never told her she's selfish but she tells me regardless of how good my intentions are. I feel worthless and a lot of times, fighting the thought of suicide just to die naturally or from depression. I am hoping that God never takes her away from me because I am praying every single night so that I can reunite with her.

I still have tears on my eyes and is waiting for a friend to have a heart to heart talk with me to burst into tears once I tell how I am suffering emotionally while she never thought I am, citing a busy schedule as a blatant excuse.

Nothing is left in me if she leaves me or kills herself.........