Stressed

Monday, I fainted near the station and my I couldn't feel anything on my hands. It was like one of the worst days in my life. But why? Just simple: Stress. Stress is one of my worst enemies and can affect my body regardless if I am healthy physically or I never had past history. My heartbeat was strange that time and it was like suffocating me until I collapse.

I recounted that time, Stress can affect our body through overthinking. I m thinking a lot of things and it was made worse by the uncertain future. Because of that stress, I had a 2 day vacation, which I am not fond off since I am in dire need of money and paying everything as soon as I can. That's life, you have to bear with it or not.

Just have to be strong regardless of it and pray sincerely more and more. I have to get a health insurance(I got recently) so that I would not pay that high again. Oh well, got to be fit emotionally and psychologically.

My Evolution: no barriers

My current self is slowly but surely evolving. I still have to make some good decisions on noney but in that case, I am learning since it is all in the mind. Who knows if I would be able to get a new job in the future or earn as well, since my objective is to earn for my future vacation in Serbia. Too ambitious yet nothing is impossible since we humans can outdone anyone except God. We are the only ones that can defeat ourselves.

With all that said, there are things on my way that could be barriers but I don't mind at all since it's always there and expect for what is going to happen. 

If not people who are hindrance to me, it is too complacent. Complacency is my no. 1 mortal sin since it makes me too comfortable to do things on my own without the regard to practice patience. Speaking of complacency, my need for utilities and new recipes could make me waste money but it's part of the learning process. You just can't say I will earn asap and forget it the next day.

I know God has plans for me

Despite the obvious hell on earth I am going through, God is still there. It is just I am impatient all the time. The way I am suffering could be the way I will not suffer in the future. God knows all I want is to have a happy family. That's right. Happy family.

Losing my child doesn't mean I turn away from God. It may be the way I never give up despite all the real life turbulence I am getting in this temporal life.

I am slowly realizing that depression can awaken the warrior inside of me instead of making me give up. There are times I tried to give up but God, through my confessor and a great priest keeps me alive by a prayer.

I am a sinner by my own terms but it doesn't mean I turn away from God. People tend to forget God just because they lose money or their loved ones. Me? I have a long way to go. I hope God answers my prayers that I can have a biological child with her and marriage at the same time. It's not on my intentions to publicize my story but show to everyone, don't give up and God will never leave you because your alive and well.

I hoped that

I recently heard about the Patriarch of Antioch severe canonical ties with the Patriarch of Jerusalem because of territorial differences(intrusion by The Patriarch of Jerusalem in Antioch's Metropolia of Qatar) which is not really an issue.

I am also hearing some disputes and something wrong with the Church as an American based one, dividing the church just because of different nationalities and declining church attendance. This news doesn't affect me but will affect the whole church. I just don't know how i can voice my ideals for the whole church to unifiy them regardless of ethnicity or their previous religious background.

I am too idealistic but i can't just stand up and see this ancient church being divided by a lot of reasons. Of course, patriarchs are there and different traditions but when it comes to faith matters, they should know that God is with them and they, the lay people should be theologically one and those territorial problema me resolved.

Against the changing times, negative effects of globalization and continuing Roman Pope's intrusions, the Orthodox lay people should both practice faith and unity as one and not just either of the two.