How many times i told my chatmates and close friends i want to become a father anytime. I felt time is running out even if i am just 22. Because no girl would want to have a future with me. I may explain some because it is hard to understand me often.
When i chatted with an ex girlfriend, i told her i regretted that i am going here to Japan before having her pregnant. A circumstance was that, she was attending a school play and she couldn't do it with me even if she desires it. That was disappointing to me because three months later, my parents made that stupid effort that broke me and her. I felt my parents were not trustworthy when it comes to my relatioships. I was like two years having no girlfriend.
Then i met a workmate that made me more disappointed. Not being able to make one and later my mom put an end to this relationship by creating a falsehood, making me against her till i found out the truth, that was late was somehow grueling to me.
I was 19 and 22(i am currently) and some of my colleagues or close friends have babies already. It makes me a lower person, seeing them happy despite not having a job like mine that i support my extended family but i cannot have my own future. I don't know if God doesn't want me to have a baby of my own.
I often relied on some to get a pictures, out of envy that i can only have a baby on a picture. I may post it on facebook but it doesn't mean it is my own baby.
I wish that day will come, on a woman i truly desire and to be with in the future.
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