A 1% hope is something I get, out of failures. I have to admit all the time, it's not my choice. I've got no choice. But with just a glimmer of hope I am asking from God, would he still give it to me?
About my father, I was told to approach him twice that I wanted to convert. I will try, but I know he wouldn't let me, out of preserving the family roots. I understand him and have to deal with fanaticism more fluidly. Fanaticism is my number one enemy when it comes to my faith. Let's say I love to be challenged. But dad doesn't. That's the case. Just hope he wouldn't see my bad side anymore because I am more open to him than before.
But what I am thinking more than that is my previous relationship. It seems to me she doesn't care about my problems. I am giving her every month the abortion fee remaining balance and some pocket money, just to show her I truly love her no matter how imperfect she is or how she won't admit that I am making my promises and she just can't because she is thinking too much of money.
Maybe, it is my approach when it is either my way or not, because it's still my life. Why is is that dad tells me I am effin selfish or my ex tells me to find another woman or break her up. What's wrong with them that I would downgrade them? It's not that I am downgrading dad or my ex but I am making a firm decision because this is my promise and I will never break it, all for what I owe to God and the brighter future I know I will grasp by myself with God's help.
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