Goodbye my Baby

The waning days of February and early days of March was the lowest point of my life. Not just i lost everything but i feel more alone and unimportant. Instead of writing in my blog on those days, i feel vulnerable to depression. And i lost my baby because my girl had an abortion and broke up with me. I feel so depressed and i cried so much because she wants to give up a life she and I created because of a promise.

Since that arguments, i am so depressed that i don't want to live anymore. March 9, 2015, the last time my baby breathed until he was no more. That part of my life made me more angry at myself and i feel prone to crying very hard when i talk about it with people so close to me. As i write this article, i feel crying deep inside my heart that this is a result of my incompetence and being too idealistic while i wasn't able to protect her from the painful words of evil persons and the temporal world's insincere.

I thought it was a happy ending but it flamed out like a hot-air balloon. It is just despite her words that she doesn't love me anymore and don't talk to me, i still love her. I don't know why i still love her. It is just i am too kind to betray my feelings or too emotional to break everything.

I hope prayers for my little angel would be heard by God.

I wish that God enlightened her mind now and make her realize i never left her despite her mistakes. All i did is to love and hoped for a happy family no matter what challenge I encounter.

Every time i pray for my angel every night, i simply cry out of emotional pain and it's very hard for me to bear it.

Goodbye Masahiko, my little angel.

Breaking my silence about my preferred styles

This is for the record. I may look like a woman and miscellaneous people call me either gay and tomboy for no reason but my girly face. What they don't know is deep inside, i am born a man and will die a man. It is just i was born with a woman's face despite my facial hair and 90% body as a man. To be frank, i am tired of hearing from people that i am gay or i want a guy.

Of course, i want to have a wife someday that can accept my life as well too because marriage is both parties functioning as one and not separately. I tend to have a heartbreaking courtship of women when they wouldn't want to be my girlfriend or eventually, future wife.

Here are the factors why i look like a girl. It could be that through my Japanese and Spanish bloods running through my Filipino roots, it blended too much that instead of a manly one, it turned into a cute combination of a cute Japanese man and an aggressive Spanish woman. Or, when my mom taught me to use Ponds cream because when i was in high school, i have too many pimples or blackheads appearing everywhere because of the pollution level in Manila. Since then, i am using Ponds whenever i have or now in Japan, to combat the effects of winter drying.

So now, would everyone of you believe me now that i am not gay and i am a true man? If not, ask me directly and be enlightened enough. If you want to compare my pictures, here it is for viewing only.

December 2013

Febuary 2014

When i played basketball last April 2014

Me, riding a bike

One of my cutest pose

Feeling like singing the Bože Pravde