This is CONFUSING

I thought it was the right time to move on. I thought she would not mail and apologize to me. I thought everything was OVER. And then out of nowhere, she mailed me and my whole life became more confused because i wasn't prepared for this.

Confusing is the fact that she mailed me a lot of times goodbye and other hurtful things.

Is it really that easy to forgive? I admit i have feelings for her but i cannot forgive that she aborted the baby. It is just i have this feeling that no woman wants to have a relationship with me and i have this feeling of she is my soulmate no matter what happens today, sounds confusing?

See, I am a guy that is week in women or in true sincerity. I may have to see if she is very sincere now because it is hard to instill values on someone's prideful head this and that without forcing the person to do it. It's hard and i will not force anything unlike before.

When she apologized, it was like sincere and she even sent me a picture of me and her. And she missed my body, since she feels it is very warm and she feels love everytime I am near her.

It makes me think that Love moves in a mysterious way. Or God has some plans for me and her more than what happened in the past few months.

Goodbye my Baby

The waning days of February and early days of March was the lowest point of my life. Not just i lost everything but i feel more alone and unimportant. Instead of writing in my blog on those days, i feel vulnerable to depression. And i lost my baby because my girl had an abortion and broke up with me. I feel so depressed and i cried so much because she wants to give up a life she and I created because of a promise.

Since that arguments, i am so depressed that i don't want to live anymore. March 9, 2015, the last time my baby breathed until he was no more. That part of my life made me more angry at myself and i feel prone to crying very hard when i talk about it with people so close to me. As i write this article, i feel crying deep inside my heart that this is a result of my incompetence and being too idealistic while i wasn't able to protect her from the painful words of evil persons and the temporal world's insincere.

I thought it was a happy ending but it flamed out like a hot-air balloon. It is just despite her words that she doesn't love me anymore and don't talk to me, i still love her. I don't know why i still love her. It is just i am too kind to betray my feelings or too emotional to break everything.

I hope prayers for my little angel would be heard by God.

I wish that God enlightened her mind now and make her realize i never left her despite her mistakes. All i did is to love and hoped for a happy family no matter what challenge I encounter.

Every time i pray for my angel every night, i simply cry out of emotional pain and it's very hard for me to bear it.

Goodbye Masahiko, my little angel.