Protecting her

Recently, I received a lot of criticisms not from my harshest internet critics or haters but from my own circle of friends for the my choice of relationship. It's just an age gap and she is mature, kind, sweet and understanding unlike all my previous relationships. I still have a long way to go and a lot can change but the days pass, the more I am willing to give up everything for her happiness than to do nothing and go down further again.

I don't have an idea why some of my closest friends(online or in actual) criticized me and told me to give up because of the wide age gap between me and her. It really disappoints me when they harshly criticize her and my choice. It's just a simple choice yet, the choice I won't regret because I feel God gave me her.

OK, I met her in a church in Osaka and ever since, I had been sending messages to her and she sends me wonderful emoticons as well as sweet and kind words, which I slowly developed my feelings for her.

Ever since I got criticisms from some of my circle of friends, I got more protective of her and as well from my parents. I need to prove myself as a man than as a kid like how my entire family(except for one of my older sister) than to sit down and give up. Giving up is not me. Going through the pain is what I am known for, and for the happiness of my princess, I will protect with and show her a man I am.

I am in LOVE

Instead of focusing on politics or religion or sports or whatever topic I need to write, instead I am writing how I am falling in love and it's no secret I am more falling for the right woman.

In fact, I am flooding my facebook posts with I love you in 4 languages I can write(English, Filipino, Japanese and Serbian). That's how I am feeling now. Love does inspire me to go beyond my powers or what I can do best. Constant daydreming and smiling, I am inspired whenever I see her mails encouraging me to give my very best at work, church, life and with her.

I am thankful I met her because I feel God gave me her and it's no coincidence. Her sweet words, kind heart and beautiful smile is enough to make my heart filled with fire, the fire because of love. Whenever she sends me very sweet and kind mails, I become a dragon breathing with fire, powered by love and hope.

Ever since she became my girlfriend, I vowed that I will not just do it by words but by actions. I truly love her and will protect her heart no matter what happens!

I love you
愛してるよ
Mahal Kita
Ljubav ti/Volim te-Љубав Ти/Волим те

Love cannot be treated like a game

Could someone tell me why this is happening? Almost everyone are just playing games in love. Is it because of mistrust? I am a bit angry at people trying to be two-timers or more than that, completely playing love as if it is not important in life. If i have power, i wish to remove those paradigm unto people's mind because those things will lead into more disastrous events in a couple's longetivity.

What do boys have to cheat? They want more than their girl. Like, sexy boobs, slender legs and wishing for more s** than love. How about women? Because of their cheating boyfriend will find another man and for money purposes. Why? This world became a materialistic world since selfish politicians took over, making people become opportunists for the wrong reason.

I know, i could be a hypocrite if many people will not believe me but, i want to instill on those critics that i am not a damn hypocrite and this is what i feel on those people who are imitating bad and selfish people.

Ljubav je Veliki

I am slowly learning that love is one powerful recipe for people that will give their very best no matter what. Let's not lie about it. Whether in four languages or different phrases, 大すき, Ljubav, Pag Ibig or Love, it is the same in meaning and in thought. Actually, what we could learn from true love is not just sending gifts, paying luxurious dinner dates, finding time and some physical intimacy but, what is truly in essence like, simple hugs, kisses, loyalty, honesty and any essential things that would make your partner feel love than any other time or place.

For me, one powerful kind of love is what i desire every single time i am with the special woman of my life. Simple hug and simple kiss will make me powerful enough to be motivated and give my very best at work. I also prayed to God that the woman i brought to the church i am praying for forgiveness and emotional strength will be that same woman i will marry and have this happy family i desire.

How about others? How did they found their eternal love? Is it like how i desired? Sometimes, i look up to those people that loved so much and have their own happy family. Even if i am praying and hoping, i know it will come true because God knows how i love my girl now. I trust her so much and her love is what i desire.

There is one saying: "Love is blind", it is but for me, love is powerful. As it has the gravity to inspire and motivate couples to go further than what they can. Literally speaking, love is a powerful word that it sums up one person's inspiration and their loved one's future.

Depression is slowly killing me

The past few days are a killer to my already battered emotions. Even if i tried my best to hide my depression from most people that know me, i have to tell everyone. Hiding this won't help but would develop an emotional death if unchecked. Some friend of mine told me that medicines would be harmful even if it is prescribed by professional doctors. If i would take some of those, it is not far i will be another Michael Jackson or other celebrities that died from too much stress.

About my family, they still like to put the clamps on me and not let me break out from shell. The reason i see life a game, unless someone would love me sincerely. I put my anger and sadness from my parents to my speed for my work even if it is difficult. Most people see me as a dedicated man for my work regardless of where i am into. Yet, when someone i truly love is not giving me enough time to be there for me emotionally, my depression would trigger.

As if, i want to cry and cry until that day would come i will be a man. When i get depressed, it is so much to be ignorant. My right wrist is in a lot of pain but mom thinks i only want sympathy. It caused me to break down secretly. Now i know my mom is not someone to support me. Dad either who sees my everyday life as a suspicion. My sister is somewhat of a gossip girl and i won't even want to open up this to my family because they don't understand what i truly desire in my life.

I have a more difficult relationship with someone like a complicated Facebook status. I won't specify but it kills me as well. If she doesn't give me that emotional lift, i would rather withdraw myself from society more and more. If she will not talk to me, i would rather ask God to have my life cut short by a brutal accident. Like how i see those graphic Romanian accidents on a highway and funerals i wished i am the person inside that coffin and those who truly cared for me till the end will cry that i am too young for this.

Whatever future i will have, i desire the future and not my past and my present!